Ambiguous Post

today i am in a funk. i am not sure as to why exactly. i am a little stressed. one of my roommates is moving out in the middle of the month and then it will just be two of us and my daughter. i am worried about affording our place. i am still trying to work out the whole ex-wife thing and her trying to move.

on top of that i am feeling really alone. the strange thing is that i spend almost every night hanging out with groups of people. i have a bible study on monday, tuesday and wednesday. sunday i am at church, and this thursday we are having a picnic at the new church building that we just purchased. there is not end of the people that i am around. though it is not uncommon for me to feel completely alone in a crowd. furthermore, i am really tired of being single. i know that no relationship will fulfill my every need, but i want to have someone that is special to my heart. that we have a mutual claim on. someone to hold hands with, and bicker with. to tease and talk to and share my feeling with. i really dislike feeling this way. not because i am a man and should not profess such things, but because i feel empty and useless.

i suppose that i see my roommate and his girlfriend, and how happy they are together. and almost all my friends are married and have families. and knowing that i have this unrequited love for someone. the grass is not greener comes to mind. but regardless, being in my own head is not a safe place for me to be.